Sunday, 25 September 2011

LGBT Coaching Counselling and Therapy in London


Hello my name is Patrick Lilley and  I am based in central London.  I offer a range of confidential LGBT affirmative "talking" therapies  including Coaching, Counselling, NLP & Cognitive Hypnotherapy.  All are welcome.

You can call or text  07931 424 905 (24hrs) to arrange a call back or simply email  for a pre session questionnaire: change@patricklilley.com \

Please include a few words about your situation and goals.

I can usually offer your initial FREE assessment session within 1 to 15 days usually just a few days and then the start of your sessions within 2 weeks - often sooner.

Over the last 3 and half  years I have helped over 300 clients with a wide range of issues: increasing self confidence (dating, job interview, exams), achieve more and more frequent feelings of well being and self acceptance, effective help changing unwanted habits, teaching relaxation techniques to cope with stress and anger, s well as treating insomnia, phobias, stopping smoking. LGBT community experiences far greater challenges  in terms of addiction/addictive behaviours (drink, drug, sex or internet, social apps) many peope benefit from support  around sexual and relationship issues. 

Clients ages have ranged from 18 to mid 70s and include LGBT, heterosexual or questioning and from a range of cultural backgrounds.  

I offer a safe and confidential setting for you to achieve your full potential. Others just want a short series of sessions to have a independent person to discuss their situation as they find their own solution to their issue or problem.

You are reading this for a reason and if  you are unhappy about something in your life and now want to do something about it you have reached the right place. 

If you are mapping a goal in how you want to live your life and need support, I am here to help.

Please call to arrange a free 1:1 assessment session over the phone or face to face to discuss your needs and goal  and how I can help.  Email change@patricklilley.com or call 07931424905 (you can text out of office hours if you wish) just say a few words about your goal and include your contact details and availability for call back.

Wednesday, 24 August 2011


Are you sitting comfortably as this may take up to 5 minutes to read. It might change your life forever or that of a friend, loved one or your child. Please don’t smoke while reading this.

Did you know that New Scientist magazine reported that hypnotherapy was the most successful way of quitting smoking? And new figures suggest that fewer and fewer adults in Britain now smoke. Would you like to be one of them again?
Remembering now that we were all non smokers once!
While doing further research about smoking and quitting I discovered that nearly two-thirds of smokers in Britain want to give up, according to new figures re-published in March 2011 by Cancer Research UK originally from the Office for National Statistics (ONS).
I’d imagine on a straight forward survey that is very accurate. However digging a bit deeper I would also imagine there are  parts or many of us who would say yes to the questionnaire.  But when you are about to light up to smoke, another  part of you that doesn’t want to quit right then or not. Confused about stopping?
I write more on how Cognitive Hypnotherapy addresses those parts and uses your own unconscious resources to help you change your behaviour in regards to smoking further in this article.
Are you now one of them?
The ‘Smoking and Drinking Among Adults 2009′ report shows that 63 per cent of smokers want to give up, with 25 per cent planning to do so within the next 12 months.
In addition a huge, 57 per cent of smokers admitted it would be hard to go for even a day without lighting up. This is where the different techniques of Cognitive Hypnotherapy and NLP can help: from anchoring states or calm and satisfaction to more extreme methods like aversion therapy the Cognitive Hypnotherapy tool box is ready for your use.  Those are just two.
We also look at the context and history of your previous smoking: when you smoked more, when less, what will YOU gain when you quit (better health? financially save money? less worry from family and friends?  Avoid going to hospital?  There will be less chance of being one of the 1.5 million people with smoking related illness each year needing medical treatment.
Cognitive Hypnotherapy uses specifically what motivates YOU to help you, because each person’s mind works in its own way. This is because we are all unique and Cognitive Hypnotherapy does not offer standard scripts to quit but offers each client their own personal treatment plan. Central to Cognitive Hypnotherapy is Wordweaving. Its is a system of delivering helpful suggestions during light trance that helps harness your hidden and unconscious resources for the goals you seek to achieve.  In addition we also can use therapeutic techniques to ally the parts of you that want to quit with the parts of you that might not fully want to yet.  
The report mentioned above provides lots of hope for would-be quitters, as it shows that 25 per cent of adults who took part in the survey in 2009 once smoked but had managed to kick the habit. So a huge number of people have now stopped.  And as New Scientist magazine has reported in the biggest study of its kind, hypnosis and hypnotherapy have the most successful track record.
The survey also found that the percentage of adults who do not smoke has risen from just 55 per cent in 1974 to 79 per cent in 2009.
Why do most people stop smoking?
ONS statistician Anne Foulger revealed that health concerns are top of the list for most smokers who want to give up. She noted that 83 per cent of would-be quitters mentioned at least one health reason when asked about their motivation for quitting.
“After health the next most commonly mentioned reasons are the costs of smoking (31 per cent), the effect on children (22 per cent) and family pressure (16 per cent),” she added.
As a former heavy smoker for 20 years I used standard hypnotherapy on my successful journey to quitting.  However I also know that there was still part of me that wanted or imagined benefits in still smoking, especially just in that moment I grabbed a cigarette unconsciously.
This is where Cognitive Hypnotherapy is unique.  We look at the parts of you that want to quit and also seeking to address that part that may not yet want to quit.  This makes Cognitive Hypnotherapy and NLP a unique and very successful way of changing behaviours (and not just smoking).   We help you stop; we cannot force anyone to stop.  But we can nudge and help you acknowledge those parts of you who may still want to do it and work with those parts not against them.
Ultimately Cognitive Hypnotherapy helps you tap into your vast unconscious resources to help you achieve your goals. That is where the magic lies.
The techniques we use are equally valid to help change other unwanted behaviours or patterns of thought and I have worked successfully with clients who wish to stop using Marijuana and Alcohol.
Smoking is an addiction for most people.  It is one of the most dangerous in the world. So if you want to quit or discuss how Cognitive Hypnotherapy can help you stop smoking now, just call or text me to arrange to talk. Think about your health and your financial goals in quitting and what you want to avoid happening if you continue to smoke. I can help with that craving.
As I wrote at the start New Scientist magazine found that hypnotherapy was the most popular way of successfully quitting this habit in a study of 70,000 people around the world?
Now if you want to remove that craving for tobacco now in a healthy and financially rewarding way then text me  on  07931424905 with your name and the words PART OF ME WANTS TO STOP SMOKING NOW in the subject line or text  with your number and name and I will reply swiftly to arrange to talk.
And are you ready now to be a non-smoker again?
And what do you want to have happen now?
Call or text now for help in stopping smoking with London Cognitive Hypnotherapy now
Tel 07931424905 Email  change@patricklilley.com

Saturday, 2 April 2011

Stop The Train I want to get of the addiction treadmill?

I am planning a gay-specific programme for gay men (and women) who are unhappy with their drinking, smoking or recreational drug use and I would appreciate your feedback.

In preparation I decided to see what research had been done so far on gay drugging and drinking.

(I also have extensive personal experience of London's club life style and its consequnces, having run my own club events for many years).



As a gay/ gay friendly therapist offering help to people who are unhappy about some aspects of their lives AND as ex-smoker facing a CT scan of my left lung this week, I am struck by the lack of any visible support for those gay people who desire to stop.

I have never noticed any information on the potential dangers of smoking, drinking and the use of recreational drugs in gay bars and clubs I go to. Would clubs be the right place to get the message across?

If you have seen any posters or leaflets with info on quitting then I would happily post information commending that venue. I would hazzard a guess that our entire community is founded on a scene that is oiled by drink, drugs and smoking. (It is equally true of straight clubs but its common knowledge that gays "party" more. Its almost the case that gay ideological belief is "I party therefore I am "/
Several clients of mine have complained that whole gay scene to be very drug and drink fuelled. Those who abstain are hardly acknowedged socially.

VAST MAJORITY OF US WANT TO STOP SMOKING - PLEASE HELP US!
Stop the train I want to get off...I have started reading the Gay Men's Sex Survey for insights in our communities unmet needs as regards stopping smoking and drinking less or becoming healthier.

If you are unhappy with some aspects of your drug use including smoking and drinking you are not alone at all. The vast majority of gay men who smoke actually want to stop. In fact an incredible 67.7% indicated they did want to stop smoking and this was amongst those who smoked less than ten cigarettes a day and those who smoked more!


"I SOMETIMES WORRY ABOUT HOW MUCH I DRINK"


29.6% of drinkers were concerned about their alcohol use.. Concern was associated with frequency of use, rising to 36.9% among the men who drank more than weekly (67% of the entire sample). All the media attention seems devoted to the extreme behaviour of a smaller minority of class A users eg coke sniffers or crystal meth heads and ketamine/GHB users who inhabit our more body conscious gym bunny nightclubs and chill outs. I think this is because their behaviour is so visible and dramatic and results in ambulances being called. I recently heard about a gay 16 year old who attended a socalled chill out. The kid overdosed and they simply took the limp body and left it on a street around the corner! Its breaks my hear that many clubs (inlcuding those I have and continue to have involvement with as part time event organiser) need to hire a medic.


At one London nightclub there have been scenes on bank holidays more reminiscent of the tv series Casualty than Studio 54.

Alcohol use remains by far the largest contributor to drug-related concern among Gay men, and probably the largest contributor to drug-related harm.

I WORRY ABOUT MY RECREATIONAL DRUG USE TOO

Another snippet from the survey, "The majority of users of any one drug also used another. "

In fact by far the majority of gay men if they use one drug use at least one other, if not more. So to talk of Marijuana users implies they are different to Poppers users but since many people do "poly drug use" this could be a useful area of thought: how to address users in a way they might identify.

"I worry about my about my recreational drug use" was a statement that 18% of poppers users agreed with. As did 21% Marijuana users, 38% of Ketamine users, 38% of GHB users, 39% of Crystal users and 40% of Crack users.



Its clear that many gay men are concerned about their smoking, drinking and recreational drug use. But what can they/you/we do about?

GAY MEN'S SELF CONFIDENCE TAKES A BEATING
The same survey also l asked whether, in the last year, they had been physically attacked or assaulted or verbally abused because of their sexuality. Overall, in the last year, 8.3% (1345/16252) had been physically attacked and 31.7% had been verbally abused (5115/16158) because of their sexuality. This is so shocking and could have such a damaging affect of gay men's self esteem and confidence I will return to this topic in a separate blog. Suffice to say its possible that gay men's self confidence takes a beating physcially and verbally.

If you are interested in any of the questions raised here please feel free to contact to discuss any area of your life you would like to change.

As a gay friendly therapist I am happy to see clients from all backgrounds. However I think many gay men might prefer to see a gay affirming therapist. Cognitive Hypnotherapy, NLP and Coaching are goal oriented approaches. If you are unhappy with your drinking or smoking do you know what you want to see, feel and notice instead of your current situation? How long have you been drinking/smoking or using? What have you tried to stop before? What motivates you to change?

If you would like to talk these or any other issues in your life you want to change then visit my webiste and contact me. We can talk for at least 15 minutes to find out if I am the right therapist for you. You feedback is important so feel free to comment on this blog.

Here are some other resources that might be helpful
http://www.londoncognitivehypnotherapy.co.uk/ Tel 07931424905
(my website) Tel +(44)7931424905 if calling out of hours (9am-9pm) please text instead and let me know when is best to return your call.

There are gay specific weekly NA meetings in London
http://www.ukna.org/

The Gay Men's Sex Survey
http://www.sigmaresearch.org.uk/downloads/report07c.pdf






Sunday, 20 March 2011

Gay Drug Use - An Epidemic?

I will be discussing this information on drug use in gay community shortly but to get you thinking take a look at this link

http://www.aidsmap.com/Poly-drug-use-common-amongst-gay-men-in-UK/page/1427051/#item1427055

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Under Pressure?


Wouldn't everyone want to learn a simple 10 minute technique that is backed up by science that can dramatically improve your performance under pressure?
I know I do.
Many people get very anxious before stressful situations like exams; some get so bad they choke under the pressure. I will be writing more about Sian Beilock's brand new book CHOKE in detail soon.
Meanwhile the Human Performance Lab in Chicago where Dr Sian Beilock works conducted experiments to test a strategy to help people who suffer from exam anxiety that could help us all. The learnings from this experiment could be useful to both Therapists and Coaches but also to individuals whose performance suffers due to extreme anxiety.
As an NLP trained Life Coach and Cognitive Hypnotherapist I am very interested in improving clients’ performance and “modelling excellence” in a wide range of stressful situations.
This recent experiment in Chicago was concerned with people who should perform well but don’t end up giving their best. Anxiety can be a dreadful negative spiral so a way of stopping it early would be great.
I became more curious after hearing a news story about strategies for coping with anxiety. It was on BBC World Service “Science in Action” programme at 4:30am this morning (available for 30 days on podcast).
http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/scia
The University of Chicago “Human Performance Lab” experiment was about how to perform better under pressure. In general the Lab investigates “the cognitive and neural substrates governing the learning and performance of complex cognitive skills (e.g., math problem solving) and complex sensor motor skills (e.g., golf putting).” In plain English they study peformance in a scientifiic setting!
Simply put, one suggestion is to write down your worries before you enter the stressful situation. The Psychologists discovered that writing down worries for 10 minutes before can significantly increase performance in a stressful situation, like exams. The analogy is that it’s a bit like downloading your worries, prior to a very stressful situation so they don’t pop up and disrupt performance. The results suggested that student’s performance increases significantly.
The story is about 25 mins into the podcast and you can skip to the end. http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/scia Jan 14.
One interesting thing about this strategy is that you can do it on your own without visiting a therapist. Alternatively if stress and panic attacks seriously affect you then please get in touch with me or another qualified therapist.
During January 2011 I am offering all clients their first 45 min session FREE.
Visit http://patricklilley.com/ and use the contact me form to introduce yourself and a few words about what is on your mind. We can talk either face to face at my practices in Old Street or Paddington in cental London or on the phone or online via SKYPE if that is more convenient.
For more info on the Human Performance Lab visit
http://hpl.uchicago.edu/Home/Home.html